Wise Words Still
from Unju
info@clarkandunju.com
I was doing some research recently and was reviewing some old notes I had made. I hang on to seemingly random tidbits of information for future reference. These days they are mostly in digital form on my computer, but this one was on a slip of paper in a book. I was researching concepts of success and the book wasn't even related to the topic. I was just moving it when I saw and read the old slip of paper. It said:
What is success? To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty; To find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; That is to have succeeded.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
This perspective on success is the best I have known. It is applicable to any setting. Work, family, and society. All topics can find encouragement within this definition.
I can add little to it except to encourage you to go back up, read it again, and ask yourself how well you are succeeding.
If you want to find effective ways to attain real success in life, contact me at info@clarkandunju.com
Free-time Fences
by Clark
info@clarkandunju.com
How often do you say, "I'll do it when I get some free time"? Whether it's a chore, a phone call to a friend, a restful period of 'nothing'; it gets put off until you find an open spot in your life.
You'll have a very hard time finding it, because "nature abhors a vacuum."
That's what the ancient genuis Aristotle said. He was talking about air and arrows. When an arrow flies through the air, it does not cut open a slice where there is no air (a vacuum). The air instantly closes in behind the arrow, no matter how fast it's going. According to Aristotle, this was evidence that nature will not allow there to be a place where there is nothing.
Look at other places in nature. A bald patch of grass is quickly filled in with more grass or weeds. If a branch falls off a tree in the forest, other trees move into that hole.
It is the same with life. If there is an open spot in your day, something will come along to fill it. Tasks will take longer. A minor 'emergency' will come along. The things in your life that are waiting for an opening to come never get attention. Nature abhors a vacuum.
I know it sounds like we're doomed to be slaves to our schedules and never get to do the things we want. It's not like that. Instead, this is a call to a simple action- build a fence.
Fences are boundaries that keep things in or, in this case, out. Set aside times for nothing. Schedule spontaneity. Create an appointment to create.
I know, I know, it sounds horribly micro-managed and 'anal'. It is actually the opposite. All you're doing is building a fence around the time to keep other things in your life from encroaching. Even though the inside of the fence may be empty (aka free time), it is perceived as having substance and stays open.
Sound new-agey? Try it. Next week, pick two friends. Call the first one 'when you get a chance'. With the second, set a specific time to call. See which happens first. Life will find things to make the first call tough. You'll probably only get it done by pushing something else out of the way and making the call a priority; like it already was with the scheduled friend.
Again-this is not micro-managing. What you talk about is open to the moment. It's only a fence that allows you to insert (do) anything you want.
Populate your life with 'Free-time Fences' and see how life becomes more enjoyable and rewarding.
Want to learn more about creating a productive and happy life? Email me at info@clarkandunju.com .
You Are Competent
by Clark
info@clarkandunju..com
Recently I've had a few clients using the phrase "I can't" in increasing amounts. They tell me that they can't change. They tell me they can't take the next appropriate step. They tell me they can't move on.
Maybe you've felt that way.
Please hear this clearly. You are competent.
Competence is defined as, "having ability, knowledge, experience, etc., for some purpose; properly qualified".
It is an undeniable truth that you already have all the ability, knowledge, and experience you need. You can take care of, and take control of, your life. It is also one of the key foundations in our Philosophy Of Positivity. The problem is that some people don't use their competence.
Folks often try to deny or avoid their own competence. After all, if it's impossible- I don't have to try. If I lack the ability- I won't have to risk. As a result, these people have lost their efforts at growth before they've begun.
Whether personal or professional, keep your life growing in a healthy direction. To do that, embrace this simple truth- "I can". You might not know exactly how, but those are skills and skills can be learned.
Embrace that you can face and overcome challenges. Embrace that you can have negative feelings and not be devastated. Embrace that you can get through any hardship and become healthier because of it. You do not have to earn it. You can not lose it. It simply exists and all you need to do is accept it and utilize it.
You are competent.
To learn more about activating your competence, contact us at info@clarkandunju.com .
Pre-appreciation
by Unju
info@clarkandunju.com
In this post I'd like to speak to business leaders.
Please don't wait to appreciate!
I was in the lobby of an office building, about to meet a client. I overheard an executive giving someone detailed directions about a task that was clearly not within the employee's job desciption. At the end, the boss asked, "Got it?". The employee muttered under his breath, "You could say thank you." The boss heard him too and, to my surprise, said "Go do it, then maybe I'll thank you."
How rude and demotivating! It was all I could do to keep from giving that executive some 'free coaching'. He could have learned a lesson from my 6 year old daughter Meryl.
She just recently turned 6, and in leiu of a party we took her to the Nickelodeon Resort for a weekend. If you're not familiar with the place, imagine loud games, loud pools, hyper-kinetic shows, and 'slime' everywhere. Kid heaven! Meryl had been looking forward for a great while to go there and was bouncing in her car seat by the time we arrived. She could barely contain herself.
As we approached the lobby to check in, Meryl stopped. When we asked why, she motioned for us to come closer. Since she was suddenly quiet I was concerned. With Clark and I close she said, "Thank you for what we're going to do." I can tell you, that sentence alone made us do our best to include as many activities as possible for her. We knew she appreciated it.
Business leaders take note. Give your appreciation early and often. Do not base your appreciation on what your employees have done. Instead base it on what they are going to do.
Do not fear that frequent and active appreciation will reduce their motivation. Meryl's apprecation did not lead us to say, "She already appreciates us, let's skip taking her to...". Instead it made us want to do more. It will be the same with your staff.
When you use open and active appreciation before an event, pre-appreciation, you can improve productivity, increase employee loyalty, and create a more positive workplace.
Don't wait to appreciate!
If you'd like to learn more ways to be a truly positive leader, contact us at info@clarkandunju.com .
Positive Habits, Step-by-Step
by Clark
info@clarkandunju.com
A coaching client (Bob) was recently talking about wanting to build a positive habit. In his case it was setting specific times to return emails at his office (they were beginning to overwhelm his day). He described holding to his new schedule for "the correct 21 days" but not feeling it getting any easier.
Bob said he felt like a failure.
I had heard the advice too; that new habits takes 21 days to develop. Whether it's adding exercise to your life or quitting smoking- it takes 21 days to create the change.
Boy is that wrong!
The number appears to be based on a 1960 book in which a doctor (Dr. Maxwell Maltz) noted that it took 21 days for his patients to accept the loss of a limb and begin adjusting to their new lives. He then generalized it to say that accepting a new change in your life takes 21 days.
This information is far too narrowly developed to be useful to us.
Other studies show a wide range of time needed to develop a habit (18-254 days) depending on how drastic the change is and other factors in the person's life. The mathematical average of days to effect a new habit is 66 days.
No wonder Bob felt discouraged. It seems he grossly underestimated the time change would take. He also underestimated the difficulty of the change; since his inbox flashes throughout the day, begging for attention. After 3 weeks with no perceived progress, Bob trusted the numbers and not himself. That led to self-blame..
Here is a healthier alternative. Forget about how long it takes; just do it today. Repeat tomorrow and tomorrow and so on. The key is not to make it a set amount of days and then you're done. The key is to do it every day from here on.
With this approach, it will get easier; no matter how long it takes.
Bob readjusted his self-set expectations and is altering his email patterns step-by-step. This has the added benefit of letting the people on the other end of the email adjust as well; thus reducing the amount 'did you get this' resends.
I imagine you have changes you'd like to sculpt in your life. I imagine you've heard the 21 day myth too. Set it aside and go step-by-step.
Only then will you reach success.
To learn more positive growth, contact me at info@clarkandunju.com
Remember the Big Stuff
by Clark
info@clarkandunju.com
A client, Bob, was recently lamenting that his employees were appearing to work hard but getting little done. Upon further talking, it seemed like some teams were undoing the progress of others. My client spoke passionately about how he tells each team what to do, but 'something always comes up' that undoes the how the teams proceed- and productivity is lost.
It reminded me of a quote from the baseball great (and classic mis-speaker) Yogi Berra. He said,"If you don't know where you're going, you might not get there."
Bob had become too wrapped up in what his teams were 'doing' and forgot where they were 'going'. This isn't uncommon. Businesspeople can easily become shortsighted and see only as far as the next deadline. Now, don't get me wrong-short term goals are good. They help projects move at a steady pace and keep workers from becoming overwhelmed. The problem is when they are all we see.
By their nature, short-term activities do not focus on the big picture and are rarely perfectly on target toward the larger goals. Each little item that is completed, even if only slightly askew from the mission of the business, can add up and divert teams further from big goals. Then businesspeople 'suddenly' find themselves doing things that are ineffective or even harmful to their team/business.
As a result of this pitfall, Bob clung too tightly to having his teams achieve tasks under his control. The teams had no inter-communication. They did not know the larger picture. They had little ability to adjust their approach even if they became aware that they were causing 'friction' in the progress.
Learn from Bob. Ask yourself- Do your teams/coworkers have the ability to communicate about the 'why' for tasks and how they fit into the larger goals? Do they have the authority to make adjustments that will help the process?
It may mean, like it did for Bob, letting go of some 'boss power' but will result in becoming a much more effective leader.
Want to learn more? Contact me at info@clarkandunju.
Join My Joy
by Unju
A few days ago I turned 42 years old.
I am significantly past the Big 4-0.
I have more than a few grey hairs.
I have friends that comment of how good I look for my age; as though I was coping with a disability.
This is not positivity.
To be positive is to accept the truth and make things better through it (not despite it). The truth is that I am 42. The truth is that I have grey hair. The truth is that I have entered middle-age.
I say, Good!
Professionally, my expertise is more easily accepted than when I was a 'little young thing'.
Personally, I've built a successful family that can only be achieved through decades of work.
Really Personally, Clark thinks my grey hair is hot.
I want to invite my fellow females to join my joy. We are on a trip of constant growth. You'll miss it if you keep staring at the calendar.
Join my joy and celebrate our energy.
Join my joy and proclaim our pride.
Join my joy and exude our sexy
Join my joy and find your own.
If you need to learn how, email me at unju@thecounselinggroup.net
How Do You Maintain?
by Clark
As a therapist and positive catalyst, sometimes people use me as a role model. They believe I know all the right things to do and don't make bad choices.
Trust me- I do!
I made a poor choice recently and it got me thinking. Who else might be making similar poor choices in their business that I did in my personal life?
In short- I failed to keep up on my car's maintainance. Because of that I went far past the recommended time to replace a part called a timing belt. I knew when it should have been changed. I knew the time had passed. I told myself that it's probably fine. I chose to ignore it.
The timing belt broke.
If you know cars then you just gasped. It's bad! When you break a timing belt there is a ripple of serious damage that spreads throughout the engine. To state it simply, a simple maintainance task (one day and a few hundred bucks) became a week and a half in the shop and a $3000 bill. All because I ignored a known need.
How often does that happen in our businesses. We see problems. We know that there are shortcomings, poor communication patterns, or outdates resources. How often do we say something like, "I'm sure it's fine.", "I'll get to it in the next cycle", or "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"?
Use my cautionary tale. Do some office maintainance. Are your facilities still a healthy, envigorating place to work? Do your employees have all the resources they need in the right amounts? Are you actively caring for your employees' well-being, so that they won't 'break down'? Are you taking care of your own well- being?
As your business' leader, people look to you as the role model. Take that seriously and show them that you are there for them- maintaining.
Take some time in the next days to check if there is maintainance to be done and invest in it. The alternative is to follow my 'role model' and pay several times more (in time, energy and revenue) in the end.
And go check your timing belt!
'Dragon' Yourself into 2012
by Unju
As you might have figured out by my picture, I'm Asian. To be exact, I'm Korean. I was born in South Korea and moved to the US when I was 4 years old. I've never been a very 'asian-y' Asian, but I'm facinated by some of the traditions; in particular New Year's celebrations. I'd like to talk about how we can apply their traditions to our lives!
Asian New Year is on January 23rd this year. For Asian culture it is a time of renewal, like a rest button for your entire life. Houses are cleaned throughout and painted to symbolize a new home for New Year's. Personal disputes are settled to allow a refreshed friendship. Debts are repaid or forgiven so that finances are balanced and 'new'. Some Asians even ignore their birthday and consider the New Year their 'rebirth' day- a whole new person for the New Year.
This is the Year Of The Dragon. Dragons are considered positive and powerful in Asian culture, not monsters as in the West. They are strong, ambitious, and confident without becoming showy. They are also very generous. This boldness and energy, however, runs the risk of creating weariness and isolation, if taken too far.
What can you apply to your life?
--First we can take the time until the 23rd to 'set things straight'. Organize your finances. Clean out the old clutter from your home/life. Reach out to people you're isolated from.
--Next we can resolve to be dragons this year. Be bold, ambitious, and aggressively generous. Along the way, we'll be sure to take care of ourselves to avoid 'burnout'.
Time is short before the 23rd. Start now and you can create a Happy New Year; no matter what your culture.
Set Up for the Let Down
by Clark
In my years of working with clients around the holidays, I've noticed a trend. I thought I'd show it to you in hopes of helping your holidays be brighter.
A lot of people talk about having a let down feeling immediately after a holiday (Hanukkah, Christmas, et al). They have shopped, decorated, cleaned and cooked; all in preparation of the holiday. They expend a burst of energy during the main holiday to 'make it happen'. Shortly after, they describe asking themselves, "It's over already?" after the gifts are open; or, "What do we do now?" after the holiday meal is done. This is not an unusual reaction but few people talk about it because it implies being disappointed.
The fact is that they build such occasions up too much. When they aren't perfect or magical, they feel a touch of disappointment. There are things they can do to help themselves. They might help you too:
- Predict the droop: A 'come down' (and even some disappointment) is acceptable and even appropriate. Don't take it as a sign that there's a problem.
- Expect less: Think about what probably will happen, rather than what would be really cool if it did happen. This sounds like settling but it's actually compensation for over-inflated expectations. You will be more satisfied with realistic amounts of cheer when you aren't expecting overwhelming amounts of it.
- Plan: Since you know the 'what now?' is coming, you can plan accordingly. Have a choice of activities ready to suit a variety of interests.
- Reflect Positively: Does it sound odd to get nostalgic about an event that happened a few minutes ago? It's not. Revisiting just-past pleasures reaffirm their validity and reduce the disappointment of it ending.
Accept that some post-holiday let down is normal and be ready to do something about it. This will allow the negative feelings to slide aside. Then they will truly be Happy Holidays.
