by Clark

Whether in business or in your personal life, emotions are important. Our feelings are what drive our behaviors. Why, then, do we only tend to notice behaviors from others?

Bob, a client (and not his real name), was having trouble at work. His supervisor was acting more aggressive than before. He barked orders, stopped his 'open door' policy, and berated mistakes in front of other employees. Bob was understandably concerned and wondered how to react to such behavior. I recommended doing a 'jump'.

Think of a person as an old time steam train. The grating at the front that fans out is sometimes called a 'cow-catcher'. It's designed to push obstructions off the track and, at high speeds, can smash things rather than move them. An upset person's negative behavior is like that cow-catcher; jutted out ahead of them, potentially smashing anything that gets in the way. What's driving the cow-catcher (behavior) is a locomotive. Emotions are the locomotive. They energize and push our behaviors.

What do you do if you find yourself in front of a racing train? You could charge and smash back at it; but you'd just cause an explosion. You could steady yourself and try to push it to a stop; but trains are big and you'd probably get run over. You could step aside and let it run by; but then it'd just smash someone else...OR ...You could jump out of the cow-catchers' way and jump into the locomotive to help the engineer shut down the power and apply the brakes.

That is a jump.

Bob thought about what feelings would drive such behavior in an otherwise kind man. Then, while alone with the supervisor, noted, "It sure is a scary time around here. Since you lead us, you probably feel more worried than we do". Bob's apprisal of his boss' feeling were right. They spent some time talking about the pressures at the company. Bob's boss never had a teary catharsis, but he did calm down (thanks in part to Bob's jump). He even eventually apologized for taking it out on the 'troops'. 

Do like Bob. When your spouse acts grumpy, don't smash back with a comment. When a coworker gossips maliciously, don't just put your head down and keep walking. Jump past the action and address the emotion driving it.

Go beyond behavior.