by Clark
 
I was recently doing some executive coaching with a man, Bob (the standard fake name), by helping him brainstorm ideas. During our work Bob negated every idea and though that came up (his or mine). Every idea had a flaw. Every alternative had several 'holes' in it. Bob thought the meeting went well. I realized Bob was being a 'snuffer'.
 
You know what a snuffer is. It's the bell shaped thing on a long handle that people use to put out candles. Thay have been around for centuries and work very well. Bob was just as efficient as snuffing out ideas- before they have a chance to illuminate anything.
In therapeutic terms,

Bob is engaging in a thought distortion call negative filtering. His perception of an idea is mentally distorted (think of a piece of paper being folded in half) so that the positive aspects are blocked. Bob literally can't see the positive and believes that his 'all negative' perception is accurate since he thinks he's seeing the whole picture.

I'm sure you've met some 'snuffers'. They are quick to tell you what's wrong with a project, but will have no positive alternative. They resist going to a new place for lunch because, "It's too far- we'll be late". They shoot down new idea without discussion because, "It won't work-I just know it." When someone mentions their negativity, they insist that they, "...are just being realistic."

There are ways to work successfully with a snuffer; but my concern while writing this today is ...are you a snuffer?

Because they are operating under a powerful distortion, snuffers don't see that they are being unfairly negative- Bob didn't. That's bad for business. Most businesses thrive on new ideas for products, procedures and revenue streams. To be a snuffer means to reject possible improvements without fair consideration-and a business that is not trying new ways to improve is stagnating or dying.
 
If you find that you are always the person who says no or who plays 'devil's advocate' you may want to try these: