An Early Gift
by Unju
Look out! Today's entry is the type that people try to dismiss. They think I'm just 'preaching' or they read part of it then try to convince themselves,"That's not me." I encourage you to read the whole thing and accept that there are lessons we can all learn from the message. Thanks.
I was having a 'girls' get together' with an acquaintance and our daughters recently. She was talking about Christmas gifts. She sounded frustrated and laced her descriptions and plans with negative expectations about her husband. She said, things like, "This is only if he bothers to make it to the school program." and, "I might as well make the plans now since he won't care."
I must admit I was shocked; saying such negative things about her husband in front of her child. When I mentioned it, she waved to her child saying, "Oh she knows all this." She's done this before???
We think we hide the troubles from our children or that they don't know (or don't care). This is a false assumption.
I am blessed to direct a program that teaches coping skills to school children that are in broken and breaking families. I see the sadness, anger, confusion and fear that comes from parents that do not get along; whether married or not. The parents aren't aware of, or don't believe their child's reactions are important. I see that problems within marriages (or unhealthy co-parenting by ex-spouses) are major contributors in creating 'problem children'.
Don't misunderstand. No marriage or relationship with an ex is perfect. It would be silly to expect otherwise. Children actually learn from watching parents solve their conflicts. The problem is not that there are occasional problems; it's the overall negative atmosphere which we create- sometimes without knowing it.
Someone may have a yelling fight in front of the kids. Someone may roll their eyes at the mention of an ex. Someone may criticize a choice made by a spouse. They are all noticed and effect the child.
We are about to begin a season celebrating several holidays. All of them emphasize love, unity, generosity, and inclusion. Let's all take this atmosphere of positivity, and create greater love and better relationships.
We can all grow our love larger- so there is no such thing as, "That's not me."
This loving environment also just happens to be perfect for growing healthy children.
If you don't know how to start making this kind of change, or your relationship feels stuck despite your efforts, call us. We are experienced in creating healthy relationships. We would be happy to assist.
A better relationship and happy, healthy kids.
What great gifts!
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